Wanted: Flâneur (The Anti-Job Advert)
Ref# 9835 - Flâneur
Location: European cities beginning with P and B, you decide
Salary: Unquantified – as much as you request & require (plus headgear allowance), bearing in mind that we don't condone the infinite quest for wealth. Choose carefully.
Hours: Debatable, fickle, disparate, fictional and inessential – we're committed to breaking apart the shadow of the protestant work ethic... and to alloying its assumptions.
Job Description (“The Role”): We're a growing worldwide sensation on the search for candidates with a provocative élan. We seek people who'll be highly useful to us through their unfathomable commitment to expert meandering. Please recognise this as an excellent opportunity to be your own person with your own professional platform, stage and pavement. We have the desire to hear from urban trailblazers who've read all "the wrong books". One of many you must not be. Beware, we'll chase mediocrity to the end of the desert waving an iguana's toothbrush.
Duties: Both passive and active (in unimportant proportions). A little coursing along here and there. Minimum notable outside responsibility. We will not condition you. Time will be yours to self-manage your delectably light observations of everything and nothing at all.
Skills & Experience: Stepping along jauntily using an umbrella as a walking stick. Bowing spontaneously. Previous experience in these distinguished fields would be advantageous. Friend of the world or enemy of yourself? We'll consider anyone with the natural skills of a loafer and an echoing heel. The successful applicant must have at their disposal the ears of many acquaintances on the street, as well as open invitations into hotel reception areas (no evidence required). How many waistcoats do you own? Answer zero and you'll have some convincing to do. The condition of your walking cane will be inspected. Unwaxed apparatus will be banished.
Application Method: Interested persons should send a letter into the sky, via the Riuvmilset ship docked in Palermo where our fidgeting hands will intercept it. We'll then contact you by postcard, instructing you to please drink a lot of wine before arriving for interview. No you're right, interviews are overused. We may instead make our decisions in camera with the aid of a blank envelope sent to the wrong address.
Other Information: This is not an offer to the world or to anyone whatsoever. It is a piece of gentle mockery, a scathing mischief; this is not a real job, rather an illustration of the anti-job, a sewer of silk – in other words, an unaffected life of one's own. We praise the sensationalists who understand and appreciate this – you who belong in the real world of fiction that is our origin. Cheers! and Applause! Spill many things over yourself in hasty excitement! Our farce of charming design goads you to apply. Impress us with your pavement demeanour and insolent pen... We welcome your independent mind and your postcard. You'll be fondly forgotten at worst. Be warned: we won't advertise again.
You won't need these But you may wish to swing